Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
