Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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