You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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