Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
