you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
