you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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