I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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