Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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