KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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