He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
