the condom got lost in my hair
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
