I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
