i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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