just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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