It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
