i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
