just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
