It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
