We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
