I want to have your abortion
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found your dick twin last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
