I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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