Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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