The maid of honor just puked.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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