Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
