You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
