my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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