barbara walters just said penis...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
