his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
