Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
