We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
