So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
