if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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