Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
