it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
