he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
