The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
