I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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