I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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