Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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