This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
