I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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