yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
