I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
