I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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