What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
