he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
