just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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