I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
