I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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