her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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