@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize