Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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