She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
