I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
