Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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