So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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