this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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