At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
