I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
