she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
