So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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