I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
