I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Soap is not a condiment
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
