I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
