Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
