Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
