I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bring money and cleavage
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I supernannyed him into submission
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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