drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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