Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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