Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize