How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
