I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
no you cant smoke seaweed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
