Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
